Can I?..... I can!

What can a person do after going through a regular monotony of things he never thought he would do, but somehow because of some unknown reasons – had been doing them since so long, that they have actually become his life?


What would happen if he just snaps off from those things, without knowing what would be the outcome? Where would he go? Would he be able to do anything else that would give him pleasure and prosperity? What if in the due course of time he had actually forgotten what he really wanted to have and now even if he wants to do that – the time can’t be reversed?


These thoughts had been going into my mind since God-knows-when, but yes somehow unconsciously they were there, roaming around, browsing through my brain, wandering like an unwanted beetle, alone, different, somehow nasty from the rest of the crowd of thoughts.


Yesterday, before going to sleep, I closed my eyes, asked the divine (God, subconscious, higher self or any other nomenclature you want to give? – Please feel free!! :-)) what if I resign from my current job tomorrow? I had just two options in front of me:


1) What would I do if I resign from my current job?
2) What would I do if I don’t resign from my current job?


The answer to the second question was much easier and - painful. If there is some sort of name that can be given to the ailment – “Irritation-beyond-tolerance-because-of-the-software-jargons-and-coding-scenes”, then I might be having that to an extreme level, which can reach and pass the need of appropriate medication and surgery if there is any.


And the irony is that I am a software engineer since past more than five years , now gone to a higher version so that I can be called a “Module Leader” having a “Red Tag”(a mark of five years seniority) in my company which is even funnier since right now there is no module for me to lead.


And after around 2 years of leaving the rigorous coding areas, I am forced to do that now, which is similar to hurting me with 1000 nails piercing again and again, daily.


The only subconscious and outward reasoning for this torture -


i) What comes from my bosses and dad:


– “Recession time - If you quit, you’d not get any job”.
– “Don’t demand so much about your roles and work, we are lucky enough to get work for our people, so better do what is given to you.”
– “Be happy that at least you are getting full salary in these crunch times.”


ii) What comes from my mom is:
- “We won’t get a decent groom for you if you quit now.”


iii) What comes from me is:
- “Do I have a life of my own? “


Now coming to the first question – “What would I do if I resign today?”


The first reaction that came – “Blank”.


I had no idea what to do leaving aside softwares and coding, having being groomed to this very field since so long now.


After two minutes, images could come out of the clouds. I could see myself working here for another 2 months, during which I’d plan to change the course of my job, to teaching or may be quality assurance.
Worst scenario I’ll go home, take a break for sometime, stay at home, relax, play music on my favorite piano, join VLCC and lose some weight!! ;), give tuitions to kids etc etc.


And my mind went calm. I have the degree, I have the experience, I have the brains, I have some savings and I have H1 Visa too lol !! ;). It wouldn’t be too bad than what is it now!


And I can trust!! :). So here I leave!