Feeling of Self worth
Sometimes it becomes so difficult to prove something to your own self
, especially when you get bombarded with negative statements about you from everywhere, and not a single statement of appreciation from anywhere. According to human psychology, negative statements about their worth, no matter how much true or false those statements might be, somehow have a tendency to effect a person’s normal behavior, in some way or the other. And, if such statements come from a source, which is close to the person’s heart, they leave an impact of quite a huge magnitude.
, especially when you get bombarded with negative statements about you from everywhere, and not a single statement of appreciation from anywhere. According to human psychology, negative statements about their worth, no matter how much true or false those statements might be, somehow have a tendency to effect a person’s normal behavior, in some way or the other. And, if such statements come from a source, which is close to the person’s heart, they leave an impact of quite a huge magnitude. Why does it happen that we often tend to see ourselves from the eyes of others
? Everyone wants to look good and attractive, but how can you define beauty and attractiveness? I’ve always felt it to be dependent on a person’s perspective of seeing things. One that is beautiful to me, may not be beautiful to someone else. But, seldom do we realize this. We tend to force our opinion on others, especially when we think that those ‘others’ are closer to us, and we are their ‘well-wishers’.
? Everyone wants to look good and attractive, but how can you define beauty and attractiveness? I’ve always felt it to be dependent on a person’s perspective of seeing things. One that is beautiful to me, may not be beautiful to someone else. But, seldom do we realize this. We tend to force our opinion on others, especially when we think that those ‘others’ are closer to us, and we are their ‘well-wishers’.Often I feel, that in disguise of being a ‘well-wisher’, no matter what role we are playing – a parent, a friend, a wife, a husband, a brother, a sister, uncle or aunt – we tend to damage an individual’s feeling of self worth even more, rather than doing any thing good to him by stating things that can hurt him/her at quite deeper level. Obviously, one needs critical comments from people he can trust, so that he can grow more and better in his life. But, how far can these comments be justified? I somehow feel that even our ‘well-wishers’ sometimes vent their own anger and frustration in disguise of guiding us through a ‘better’ path of life. They say one statement and then forget it, least considering the impact it would have on the other person’s life.
Sometimes, such things make me feel so declined towards how I live, how I look and what I do, that I don’t know where to go and hide from such thoughts of mine. These things hurt especially when the solutions to such issues are not in my hands. How can I change the way I look
? Or the way I think? How can I get back in time and become 3-4 years younger? Would that make any difference?
The only solution my well wishers tell me is to listen to what they say. If I ask where am I wrong, they can't tell that. They have their own justifications. They ask me to do something, I can not understand. When I ask them "Why should I do this?" They says – “Other people also do this. Thats why!”
Why should I follow them? Are they leading my life? Or am I obliged to them for something, so that I should also blindly do what they are doing?
? Or the way I think? How can I get back in time and become 3-4 years younger? Would that make any difference? The only solution my well wishers tell me is to listen to what they say. If I ask where am I wrong, they can't tell that. They have their own justifications. They ask me to do something, I can not understand. When I ask them "Why should I do this?" They says – “Other people also do this. Thats why!”
Why should I follow them? Are they leading my life? Or am I obliged to them for something, so that I should also blindly do what they are doing?
I try to keep my thoughts sane and my mind clear. But, with so many of powerful things happening all around, I feel extremely weak. Even doing positive healing exercises needs energy from within, which at the moment, I can not find anywhere. I don’t even seek anyone to help me out. I know things pass with time. Nothing stays for long. But, patience and hope is what I need. I wish I could get some extra dosage of these.
Amen! ( for your last line.)
ReplyDeleteNegative thoughts have serious effect on a person’s behavior. However, it depends on how much you care for those thoughts which further depends on the source from where you happen to hear such negative thoughts! Would you care explain what kind of a person you are to a co-passenger of yours in a bus or a train after realizing that he/she misunderstood you? I bet you wouldn’t! So that leaves us only people who are close to the heart whom we are concerned about. But why would someone who is close to your heart say something negative about you? Or discourage you from something? That simply means the degree of emotional attachment is greater from your end to the other person’s end and lesser from the other person’s end to your end isn’t it? I always have this idea that with people who really mean something to me, no matter what stupid things they do, by virtue of being close to them I am supposed to see the good side of what he/she has done! At least I know this is what they expect from me.
ReplyDeleteIf my friend comes to me and narrates the complete story of something terrible that he/she did and if I tag it as something terrible, that makes me nothing better than the rest of the whole white world standing against my friend! How can you even call yourself his/her friend? You fulfill the responsibility of a friend or someone close to the other person when you listen to the whole story and decide to stand by. You don’t even have to support the other fellow because he/she already knows what they did was something terrible. Keeping mum would do the job!
I have a complete different idea of a WELL-WISHER and one thing that I have learned is that life is what YOU make of it. You can’t control all the events in your life, but you can control your willingness to participate. How often do you listen to others before you make a choice? How often do you try to see how your actions look or your words sound from a third person’s eyes and ears? Neither you follow someone in life nor does someone lead you. If that was the case, you should never worry about any of your problems in life because there are children in this world who are blind, handicapped and gets to eat food only once a day! They are fighting a tough battle and yours…there is no battle at all. If you compare your life with them, you are in Shangri-La! HOWEVER, you still worry because it’s your life and your problems are important to you no matter how many blind and handicapped children are living in this world. So even if someone says to you that your problems are silly, you just don’t want to admit it. Or will you?
Though I have been speaking completely different things here (as always!), two things…1) a well wisher or a person who really cares for us will always see the positive side to everything we say and do and 2) when we know that its our life and we are the ones who have to act, we don’t really bother much about what others think or say except for people who are close to us for which point 1 is applicable. Wow…I made a deadlock here! :-)