Life at Bangalore
It has been so long that I have rambled about anything, so I guess I deserve this leisure of writing down some thoughts here. I took an off today from office, and spent whole day sitting at home, reading blogs, applying Relispray to my aching back, doing some deep breathing exercises and thinking of starting with my painting.
My acrylic colors have still not come to the local shop, where I asked to get some. So, I began with the normal water color cakes only. I had no idea about what I was going to make, but the end result looks quite ok to me; especially, after having painted after a gap of almost 15 years. You can see the painting here.
Life has become too weird and unpredictable since past one year. I never thought of joining back the software industry again. Well, I kept some part of this promise to myself. I am not working for a software industry. On the other hand, I am doing the same IT work for an automobile company.
Life is usually much cooler here than what I had in IT company. Moreover, I am working for Group Research Projects, so it means lots of free thought process and brain storming, which is something really good for people like me. Another promise I broke was of coming back to Bangalore. As a matter of fact, I must be thankful to the place for rescuing me. Though, I still dream to go to some remote countryside area, stay in peace, teach in some local school and smile a lot.
I am waiting for the next phase of my life, and hoping it to come soon. It may take 2-3 months more. I sometimes wonder, what kind of games our mind plays? Why is it that, we eagerly and peacefully are able to wait for longer duration, but could not spend the last few moments of our wait period in normal way? I guess, it has something to do with my apprehension and uncertainty of the things. There are some decisions, I’ve already made. Now, time has to tell what next is there in store for me.
My acrylic colors have still not come to the local shop, where I asked to get some. So, I began with the normal water color cakes only. I had no idea about what I was going to make, but the end result looks quite ok to me; especially, after having painted after a gap of almost 15 years. You can see the painting here.
Life has become too weird and unpredictable since past one year. I never thought of joining back the software industry again. Well, I kept some part of this promise to myself. I am not working for a software industry. On the other hand, I am doing the same IT work for an automobile company.
Life is usually much cooler here than what I had in IT company. Moreover, I am working for Group Research Projects, so it means lots of free thought process and brain storming, which is something really good for people like me. Another promise I broke was of coming back to Bangalore. As a matter of fact, I must be thankful to the place for rescuing me. Though, I still dream to go to some remote countryside area, stay in peace, teach in some local school and smile a lot.
I am waiting for the next phase of my life, and hoping it to come soon. It may take 2-3 months more. I sometimes wonder, what kind of games our mind plays? Why is it that, we eagerly and peacefully are able to wait for longer duration, but could not spend the last few moments of our wait period in normal way? I guess, it has something to do with my apprehension and uncertainty of the things. There are some decisions, I’ve already made. Now, time has to tell what next is there in store for me.
‘IT work for an automobile company’ -> what is so wrong in an automobile company having an IT division? These days, everyone has their own IT department to save costs! HSBC, ICICI, Reliance! Why in the world does an oil company need an IT division then?
ReplyDeleteYou know, it’s been a month I guess since I have been trying to dump all the information present in an XML file to a C file in structure format!
I am into pure electronics and stuffs and it took me one month to understand DOM parser in JAVA and yeah now I have a small little tool that does the parsing and generation.
Had it been you or someone from IT background, it would have been a very simple task!
At the end of the day, the intake is…I understood what XML is and what JAVA is and how to work with Eclipse though I had to eat one month of my project schedule to do it!
Hey, do you mean to say that you are doing something which you never wanted to do in life? I mean somehow your words speak a lot more than what you have typed in the post!
To have a change in life, why are you waiting? “time has to tell what next is there in store for me” I did not get what that statement really meant!
From your posts, I felt you are the kind of person who takes control of life and steers it to the place where you wanted! This post looked a bit surprising to me.
I was in the same dilemma for quite a long time and then finally I figured out what I wanted and what I was missing and now I am going behind something! What good does it do if you simply sit and wait for something good or bad to happen in life?
At the end of the day when your soul leaves the body behind, the only question that matters is ‘was it worth living all these years being you’! Only people who have realized the meaning of life can answer that question.
We all have some or the other duty to fulfill in our life. Some understand this and some others don’t and just live their life breathing the air around!
Don’t wait for anything in life…just understand what you want and go for it.
You are right. Usually, I have this knack of taking control of my life. But, now other people are also involved in this, so the controlling process is not that simplified any more.
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, I am not waiting for any change. I am just waiting for my already taken decisions to bear some fruits.I have already chosen what I want, but there are many issues with its acceptance. I have always been Mangal Pandey in many respects, but this time the revolt has been against the highest authorities of my life. So, you see the magnitude of my decision is something, I am really looking forward to. I know I should follow what Krishna said in Bhagvad Gita
"Karm kiye ja, fal ki chinta mat kar" (Keep going on your path, don't worry about the results)
But, I don't have any 'Krishna' behind me to support on what I have decided to be right or wrong... So, till the time I see the actual results, I may stay in this dilemma!!
I would sound stupid if I say I can understand your situation because if someone says to me ‘its okay I can understand’, I would pound of them and shout ‘UNDERSTAND AND FACING SOMETHING FOR REAL ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS”!!!
ReplyDeleteLife always becomes complicated when you have dependencies. Some dependencies can be avoided whereas some are mandatory! It’s like you have these packages in Linux. When you download them, you see a list of MUST-HAVE dependencies without which the original package won’t work at all and some OPTIONAL dependencies. You always download the MUST-HAVEs and not the OPTIONAL ones!
It’s bound to happen anyways. I can live my life throughout with no strings attached but what is the gain?
Giving importance and respect to people are two cool things anyone can do in life and it really adds value to life just like you add sweetener in coffee. Only difference being you have to pay for the sweetener and coffee ;-)
It’s in a way something great that you are doing by considering how your decisions would impact others in your life. Not many people really do that you know?
So yeah, I feel great to accept the realization that I am posting this comment on a great person’s blog. :-)
This friend of mine decided to get married recently. It would be an arranged marriage and he is already engaged. He was telling me that he is not sure if he is digging his own grave!
It’s quite a natural feeling especially when you have to say YES or NO to a proposal in say one hour time. I would say that you can never find reasons to say YES but you always can find reasons to say NO!
For my friend, it’s very important that he gets a realization at the earliest that he is not digging his own grave! For this, he should take the headache in knowing the girl better and trying to learn the differences to adjust with it. It’s not something he should wait for.
The same way, right or wrong…it’s up to you to find it. The sooner you find its right, its good for you.
I don’t know why but it somehow makes me feel like I figured out what you are up to! Or maybe it’s just a feeling! ;-)
It has been long time, since I last dropped by. Good to read you ramblings, this is not what one can’t get on your Hubs. Reading this blog feels like knowing/interacting a teacher at school with immense knowledge, outside school campus free from rules n regulations. Still a teacher...but visibly with more human traits vis-a-vis a Godly/Devilish one in classrooms.
ReplyDeleteDon't take me wrong, it’s just the ‘feeling’ I was trying to map, not that you are teacher or preacher sorts. But knowledgeable you definitely sound. You mentioned about your dream 'remote countryside area, stay in peace, teach in some local school and smile a lot', I want to know what’s stopping you from it? Why aren't you still living it? Forgive me, I am just curious. Knowing you from your blogs, it seems there are many reasons but wasn't sure, if it’s just your perception of outside world or something inherent within.
If I had even half the knowledge, passion and talent you seem to have, there would be many a possibilities to break out of the mould n help others. Many find living their own life is difficult, it sure is not easy. But would it be easier if one start living just for others or would it be more difficult than selfish deluded living? By living for others I mean in the likes of, giving ones time and resources for a poor children's upbringing, or spending it with old age people who have been deserted and just need love n affection or helping the disabled? If not such intense, just sharing knowledge of goods that one has, simple things of Indian culture, world nature that would help each one of us be healthier and better , physically, spiritually and socially. I see you doing this already with your writing, hence respect you a lot.I can only imagine, with your abilities of writing, singing, playing instruments and IT, what can come out when you live your dream.It is so potent, so powerful talents. I sometime feel envious of you, but its only momentary, I know I have another purpose to life than your. Maybe.
In past few years, I have many times visited local villages in my areas and every-time I found myself sharing knowledge to young and new, of my experiences of city life, of software industry, of world affairs of simple IT solutions to common problems they face. Each time I have to let it go n come back to the ‘Matrix’, but I know I’ll be back. Back with more resources, more strength, more ability to help than today. aaah.... I started my own ramblings here. Apologies.
So, when is your exam result coming out? When do you get out of your dilemma? You said 2-3 months, will we still get to read blogs, see your painting? or would you be in Rishikesh or some far off corner of India still distant from all IT spikes?. Did you progress on publishing your book? And buying the car? If you did buy one, which one was it? Which colour? Where in India would you finally settle? Which countryside comes to your dream? Would you own a school or just teach in one? Primary school? What subjects would you teach Sciene? Arts? Computers? I guess I am asking too many question, but I have so many... wouldn't it be so much easier if I were your neighbour, and I could get to ask these question from my terrace/balcony top while relieving ourselves from the power-cuts in evenings. But then, knowing life in reality, it never is what one wishes to. So I thank god, better know you in virtual world than being an immaterial neighbour.
Hope Dhoni, wins this Sri Lanka tour? What do you say?..... uff again questions. Sorry. Couldn’t stop. Best of luck.!!! Keep writing.
And hey...look out for your Krishna, he might be around, or better still - within.
@Arun
ReplyDeleteI have already got the realization, I was looking for. It is others who I have to convince that my decision is correct. And I guess, you figured things out quite correctly.
@DhoniDeewana
Thanks for your compliments. And, yes there was a time when I was very close to achieving my dreams. But, as one says - life is an adventure and it has loads of twists and turns. I know I can write a plethora of my life's adventures, if I begin to do that. Anyways, the point is that, right now, there are certain important and more crucial things in my life, because of which I am spending some time here in my purgatory before I reach heaven.
"Sabr ka fal meetha hota hai" - I've heard it always and my all bets are lying on it to give me the life I've always dreamed of. The life I see myself in, is something that is only for me. But, as you wrote - "living life for others", my current phase of life can be an example to that. Teaching school children and getting involved in giving something to the society that would make me feel contented and happy is something for me and only me, as I feel happiness in doing it. Those children and people are just modes to give me that happiness. And yeah, I also feel the same thing, regarding me that when I don't like this job and I am able to play a decent role in this. Then obviously, when I start doing something I really love to, it would definitely be much better in all the aspects of things, I've ever done in my life.
I don't mind your ramblings at all. I have always welcomed free speech and thought sharing, provided it is not abusive and unnecessarily derogatory. I feel blessed and at peace, whenever I share my knowledge and anything I know to people around me. Most of the people I have around me don't have same interest which I have. Or may be I belong to some different world, because of which I started this blog, some five years back to share things without making anyone else feel uncomfortable.
My exam results may be out in a week or in a month. I am simply praying and keeping my thoughts on positive modes (as much as I can). And, if my result comes sooner, I may be able to devote more time in painting and blogging if I have internet, wherever I'd be going. :) My book is still down there in my scribbled 100 pages story line, somewhere in my drawer. I may be able to start working on that too, but someone has already stolen my book idea and made a movie of it. :( (I was shocked to see the story of the movie 'The Last Airbender', to coincide so so sooooo much with my own story line, which I wrote some 3 years back in my register at my small room. Life is really weird sometimes. I have enough of my experiences with coincidences to say that statement.) I would love to teach science, math and moral science to primary school :), and physics to some elder students, as well.
I don't mind questions at all. I am myself always inquisitive about one thing or the other. I like to explore a lot. What would life be without a bit of fun and learning new things every day and moment.Lol..and yeah all the best to your prayers and hopes for Dhoni!! :)
good luck for results
ReplyDeleteNice 'Conversations really impressed... OOWWW
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMay I know who are you?